Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
