I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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