whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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