If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
