I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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