I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the condom got lost in my hair
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
