We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
