Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
