My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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