you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I love having hate sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
