he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
