I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize