Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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