I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
