Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
