like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
