I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
