i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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