i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
