you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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