I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
