areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We named our party play list daddy issues
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
