FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
