In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
