Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
