I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
