The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
