you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
