1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
