Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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