My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
