have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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