forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
