Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
