I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I puked a lego.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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