I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Shame is for Republicans.
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