if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
