i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
