but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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