god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
