I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
