dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
