so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
