Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
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