Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
this hospital has no fireball
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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