I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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