It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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