Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
