So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
