let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
