you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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