You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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