my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
