I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Mom said you looked used
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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