I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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