Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
