So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
