If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
