She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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