i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
