He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
